Apr 05 2009
Games People Play, otherwise known as transactional analysis
Since I work in a library, I happen upon a lot of interesting reads. The latest one is “Games People Play: the Psychology of Human Relationships” by Eric Berne. The copy I read is the 40th anniversary edition of the book, which examines interpersonal interactions from sort-of a game analysis standpoint.
The basic idea is that each of us engages others in conversational transactions in order to get “strokes” - sought after reactions that reinforce our self-esteem or give us pleasure of some sort. An example: I unburden myself on a friend, hoping that she will validate me with commiseration and agreement - that she will give me strokes of reassurance that I am a good person. I may be telling her how someone is taking advantage of me and expect praise for being so unselfish, I certainly don’t want her to tell me what a wimp I am. Alternately, I may be telling her how I won out over someone else. In which case, her response should be to agree that I was totally right to assert myself the way I did. This sort of be-on-my-side game is one that I have to admit playing. I think, really, we all play it.
Another fundamental concept here is the re-visiting of Freud’s Id, Ego, and Superego as components of the personality. They are re-named the Child, the Adult, and the Parent and Berne points out our tendency to assume one of these perspectives in order to elicit a particular reaction from others. Example: a boss behaves in a domineering way to elicit childlike submission from employees or a friend behaves incompetently in order to receive assistance
It is both interesting and embarrassing to learn about transactional analysis and see myself reflected in the games. The “strokes” come in a variety of forms, not just as the positive praise you might expect. Sometimes the strokes are masochistic in nature, or merely the playing out of an expected scene. This is evident in the names of many of the games such as Alcoholic, Shlemiel, and Kick Me. Fascinating. I wonder what conversational games I play the most frequently, the ones I need to learn to stop playing, and perhaps even a few that I should start.
